coward

Dear friends of piano music,

I am a coward, I admit it unapologetically. For more than a year now, I've been hiding behind little colourfull  pictures and holiday photos. At least I was brave enough to show my hands in the context of finger exercises and a classic of student literature (Burgmüller's "Schwalbe"), which proves that I actually exist and am a piano teacher. And I had even - I hope you appreciate this - thoroughly cleaned the dust on the piano, which I don't do for everyone by a long shot. You also know my last application photo, officially taken by a photographer with the aim of applying for a job as a Latin teacher at schools. I remember that appointment very well, it was a few years ago - I told the photographer I was a Latin teacher and then had to laugh terribly because I thought it was really funny at that moment. I would never have thought of becoming a Latin teacher during my horrible school years - life really is full of surprises. And I love this profession because it demands and promotes many positive qualities, such as creativity, empathy, humour, joy of communication. A school is like a beehive, it hums and buzzes everywhere, and I have met really great people at all the schools. I was only surprised by myself - a Latin teacher, so to speak. But after all, Johann Sebastian Bach was a colleague, he too taught at a Latin school, and Brahms learned Latin enthusiastically. a fine thing, nothing creates more order in the mind and structure in one's own use of language and thus also in one's thinking - my language is my world, as Wittgenstein said, who was considerably cleverer than I  am and thus absolutely right. But I am once again avoiding my own subject, like a horse that shies away from an obstacle that seems too high. No, even more uncomfortable, like a horse refusing to jump through a burning hoop. although that's not a suitable exercise for horses either, so the comparison fits quite beautifully. So, female vanity. a difficult subject. We university-educated women are actually above the social clichés that we have to be compared visually with anorexic and underage models. Or with famous film actresses who, even after their second or third child, leave the little ones with the nanny and start their body-shaping workout. So, to cut a long story short, I am neither young nor beautiful, but I am a small, dark-haired bespectacled, „Brillenschlange“as they say in German, mum of two children who have been with me almost continuously since the beginning of the pandemic. So I look like all multiple mothers without help - like a zombie. While the days when I was happy and proud if I made it out of the house without milk on my glasses are thankfully over, it wasn't long ago when my daughter would jump on me enthusiastically every time I wanted to do sit-ups or similar sports exercises because she was dying to join in on this fun game. Oh, and then there's the pandemic - at least the hairdressers are open again, but appointments are hard to come by, besides only with daily coronatest. Well, I thought, I can do it myself, so I bought some hair dye, environmentally friendly natural dye that I can mix myself. And what did I read in the instructions for use? If the water temperature is wrong, the colour can appear greenish. Oh, my nerves. I don't know if you've read Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery, it was one of my favourite books as a child, and that's exactly what happened to Anne, who was tired of being teased about her carrot red hair. She tried to dye her hair black and it turned green. Oh great, I thought, but I was brave for once, and luckily I must have got the temperature right, so I was spared the fate of green hair. So, now you've been warned - if in the course of the next few weeks I should actually dare to show myself live and in colour in front of the camera, maybe even speak instead of always writing these endless letters, then none of you will faint because of this visual imposition. And if need be, you can just close your eyes, because don't worry, I'll be playing the piano, of course, what else....There's one more bit of nastiness that comes to mind, in conclusion, from a piano professor who was at the dress rehearsal for an artistic final examand actually said to his  student :“ If you could turn off the sound, it would be perfectly fine.“ Nice guy, wasn't he? He wasn't a particularly inspired pianist himself, but beyond that he really wasn't a beauty either, but for all that he was dean of the conservatoire..........

Kerstin